A Glossary of Terms

It occurred to me that some people might not be able to understand the terminology that I used in my "True Blood" recaps, so, taking a cue from the indomitable cleolinda, I put together something of a glossary just in case you were wondering. Enjoy.


A

A.B.
aka AIDS Burger aka the guy who Lafayette beat up for saying he wanted his burger without AIDS aka the guy that Eric sexily dismembers. (The way Eric dismembers him his sexy, not the dismemberment itself.)

ASkars
Alexander Skarsgard, aka Eric Northman

A VAMPIRE, YO
the way that Bill constantly reminds Sookie that he is a vampire because, obviously, she could forget


B

Black Woman Empowerment Cape
Tara's version of Sookie's cape, usually dosed with a heavy amount of racial observations

blurry blurness
see vampires


C

Cult Camp
the Light of Day workship that the Fellowship of the Sun puts on which Jason attends


D

Douche Wife
Reverend Douche Newlin, Jr.'s wife, a blonde monstrosity


E

eye-hating
aka laser beams eyes, when you look at someone like this -_- because you are imagining you have laser beams coming out your eyes to destroy them

eye-loving
giving someone the googly eyes because you are OMG so in love with them, or want to sleep with them. Either one.


L

Lake Merlotte
the random body of water behind Merlotte's

LIK WO
"like whoa" from a song by Mya called "My Love Is Like...Wo!" one of the most hilariously crap songs ever. The spelling of LIK came from a typo.


O

OH NOES!
the ultimate drama, when things are just too dramatic to be possible

OUTRAGED
the people on this show sometimes tend to overact, and when they are mad, they are not just mad. They are OUTRAGED.


R

Reverend Douche Newlin Jr.
son of Reverend Douche Newlin, Sr., who becomes leader of the Fellowship of the Son after his father is mysteriously killed in a mysterious car wreck mysteriously. (after recap 2.01, he just just referred to as Reverend Douche Newlin)


S

Scary Noises
the horror movie staple of strange noises alerting us that danger is around

SEXY SEXY
usually listed as SEXY SEXY ___, when something is just TOO SEXY for one all-caps SEXY

Shithole Bar and Grill
Merlotte's, where Sookie works


V

vampires
aka blurry blurness, a verb that means the way that vampires move super fast. It can also be the way that the scene around them slows down so we know HEY, THIS HERE IS A VAMPIRE,

vampire tractor beam
the way that vampires can beckon humans with a look or a gesture and OMG THEY. MUST. OBEY. and they do that sort of dazed walk

vampo voice
that insane voice vampires always use in vampire media that is supposed to charm the pants (literally) off people. See also SEXY VOICE

VB
Vampire Bill aka the Tornado of Sex and Fangs


W

Woman Empowerment Cape
Sookie has a way of getting all offended when people insinuate that she can't do something because she's a woman. She gets all puffed up and puts on her Woman Empowerment Cape and sets them straight.