Footwear

I can't believe there will be a person in our house that will be little enough to wear these.

The Artist Formerly Known as Snoop

OMG. He's actually being quiet and still and cute. It is amazing.

My Attempt at Photography

I got very into picture taking while at my sister's baby shower, and I've suddenly decided that I want to spend the money to get a very nice camera. The one I want is about eight grand, so that's not happening, but I've found an acceptable one for about 300 bucks. I'm saving up for it as we speak. This is my favorite picture of the ones I took. I know it's just a bunch of tomatoes, but for some reason, I like it. The simple things!!

EDIT: In fact, I love it so much it is my new masthead. Don't let anyone tell you I'm not completely obessed with myself. I totally am.

VICTORY!

In the great debacle that is taking place at work, I have scored a decisive victory today. I was made aware that EVERYONE involved in said debacle thinks I am the winner, and I rejoice in that fact. I have told people time and time again that in a fight, or a war, I will always win. ALWAYS.

But the best part about the debacle, about the whole ugly mess, is that I got angry. I got frustrated. I FELT SOMETHING.

I remembered for a moment how it felt to not feel as though the world was falling in on me. I remembered that the world is not a horrible, terrible, awful place. I remembered that it is OKAY.

Then I was defeated by a candy mold of baby bottles. The shame.

Oh well, 2-1 is a good outcome for the day.

The Bullshit of My Job

I am part of a workforce at Junk County Courthouse that is unlike anything I have ever experienced. The main problem I have encountered is that while I am part of it, I'm also excluded from a lot of it. I'm not part of the "cool kids". In fact, most of the "cool kids" can't stand me, and the problem I have with that is that I've never done anything for them not to like me. I have no problem with someone hating me because of something I have done to them. In this case, I have done NOTHING, and from day one, there have been people here that hate me for no reason.

I am reminded that they don't like me and that I will never be a part of their little club on a daily basis. I am literally forced to sit outside their little clubhouse circle when they sit around and talk or, as today, enjoy a piece of cake for a co-worker who is leaving for another job. I am forced to sit outside, over at the desk and work while they have a good time and practically scream, "YOU ARE NOT IN OUR CLUB! HA HA HA!"

I don't want to be in their fucking club. I would rather DIE than be associated with most of them, but it is hard to sit by and be constantly attacked by these douches.

An incident took place last night that would be completely out of context if I talked about it, but suffice to say, I was reminded, once again, that there are fuckwads working up here that hate me for no reason. It is fine, whatever, but last night, one of these bitches, a fucking ugly, snaggle-toothed, backwoods country 80's hair-having BITCHES, threw me under the bus in front of my boss. She completely sold me out to make herself look better, and that was the last straw. This morning I came to work and caught her telling someone else about what happened, which is pretty funny because in the story, she makes herself look completely stupid and insane, but still, it is a slam against me.

This is not the first time this has happened. This douche has done this to me every single minute that we've worked together, and I can only assume it's because she thought she deserved the full-time job but I was the one who got it. Whatever. That could be totally wrong, but I can think of nothing else that I have done to her to that would mean I deserve this crap.

She isn't the only one who treats me like this at work, and this is not the first time I have had to deal with it at my job. It used to happen all the time at CVS, but, as always, I overcome. I show all these fools that I am the one who will stick around, and I don't let them know that they get to me, except to fucking tear their heads off when the time comes.

My question is this: I graduated from high school 9 years ago. When will everybody else? That is what all of this is. High school bullshit--MIDDLE SCHOOL bullshit even. They all act like fucking children, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being the only adult where I work. I am sick of having to sit by while I am slandered by everyone, only to have them smile to my face. I am sick of all of the nasty, disgusting talk that I have finally took a stand against. Should I have to listen to dick jokes while I am at work? NO.

That is a good example. 80's Hair said something yesterday that almost made me puke. Someone came in and said, "Hey, what's up?"

Her answer? "Hard dicks and airplanes."

AND SHE WONDERS WHY PEOPLE THINK SHE IS FUCKING DISGUSTING.

Oh, teh_apathy...

I feel used up.  I feel unsatisfied and restless.  I feel like I could jump out of my skin and scream until my lungs explode.  But mostly, I don't feel like anything.  I'm apathetic.

I remember this feeling.  I had it almost nine years ago, and it almost killed me.

I suppose the good thing is that I recognize this, and I'm taking steps to fix it, but at the moment, it's a bit overwhelming.

I will overcome. I just need some help