Xmas, or lack there of...

As far as I'm concerned, Xmas is a sham.

That might be because my family is extraordinarily poor, and though I know that presents aren't what Xmas is about, it's a pretty big part, and so no presents = no YAY. It's more that I can't buy presents for everyone that I want to buy them for, and that's really depressing. I'd be lying if I said I don't LOVE getting stuff because I do. I really do. So not giving and not getting presents just makes the day sort of ridiculous.

Not to mention, this is the first time in my working life that I have to work on Xmas. Not that it matters. I don't have family down here, so it's not like we'd be doing anything, but it's just nice to be able to be at home, enjoying random Xmas movies and the few presents we do get. But no, I get to be at work, dealing with other people's ridiculous problems on a day that there should be none. I do get paid obscenely well for working the next two days, but it's really not the same.

We didn't even put ornaments on our tree this year. It's the second year in a row that we just said, "Eh." It's sad in a way. Maja says Xmas is for kids anyway, but there are no kids here, so what is the day supposed to be without them? Next year, we will have the Peanut, but the Peanut won't be old enough to enjoy xmas, and I'm sure not going to have any kids next year. SF does have a kid of his own, but she's not mine, and I'll miss out on that fun, too, anyway.

So, what, my friends, is le point?

I hope that in a year or two, I have some family to celebrate the day with, even if it's not exactly the family that I want. I'm hoping that we get to go to CT next year to be with Maja's family, but even that might be a little strange, considering the present circumstances of my life.

*le sigh*

I hate being poor.


Where are you Christmas?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?
Where is the laughter you used to bring me?
Why can't I hear music play?

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes, too?

Where are you Christmas?
Do you remember
the one you used to know?
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done?
Is that why you have let me go?

Christmas is here everywhere
Christmas is here if you care
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You'll never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

--Faith Hill