Avatar: GET AN ORIGINAL IDEA PLZKTHNXBAI

So, we saw Avatar today.

Do you want to know what Avatar is? I will be happy to break it down for you with a simple math problem.

(Pocahontas - Native Americans) + (Dances With Wolves - everything awesome about it) + (Ferngully - pixies) X (Final Fantasy X - Japanese people) = AVATAR


I have never IN MY LIFE seen a movie that rips off A MILLION OTHER MOVIES the way Avatar does. It is STAGGERING. THE ENTIRE MOVIE SHOULD BE CALLED "8 OTHER MOVIES YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN."

We got there late, so I only got to see the last half of ONE trailer, but it was Percy Jackson and OMFG I AM SO EXCITED. Because we were late, we were in the second row, and it was ZOMG HUGE and hard to concentrate, but it was very hilarious to see me and my cousins and sister take up an ENTIRE ROW of the movie theater. It was me, Mook, Cousins BChar, RChar, AChar, ESin, ASin, and SCas. (NAMES ABBREVIATED TO BE HILARIOUS.)

ANYWAY. So, the movie starts, and immediately, I got OMFG WHO IS THIS GUY FOR HE IS TEH_HOT, and yes, Sam Worthington is TEH_HOT, but he is also TEH_BAD ACTOR. Not HORRIBLE, but also not great. The blue people freaked me out at first, and then I was MESMERIZED by them. It's strange how Sigourney Weaver looked PRETTIER as a blue person. They are freakishly tall, and I was immediately draw in, and was all X___X watching the whole thing.

The plot is...complex. There is this mineral the that humans want called UNOBTANIUM. (YES, REALLY.) The biggest deposit of it is under the Hometree (AGAIN, REALLY), and the problem is that the blue people, the Na'Vi, live in that tree, hence the name. The humans want to use these things called avatars, which are basically human/na'vi hybrids, to go in and convince the na'vi to leave so they can OBTAIN the mineral. The main guy is a paraplegic guy named Jake Sully who is just a regular Marine. His brother was supposed to go and do this communing with the blue people, but his brother got merked, so he's going in his place. He goes, he gets separated from the party, the na'vi princess finds him. (I knew immediately that Na'vi princess was Zoe Saldana without having seen the cast list, and it sort of made me love her a little from the beginning.) Anyway, Jake starts to be all in love with the Na'vi, and he doesn't want to go back to his life, and then the humans are all WE WANT THE STUFF, and Jake is all OMG NO, so then it is WAR, and yes, it is WAR.

That is just the skeleton of the movie. I'm not doing it justice because IT DOES NOT DESERVE JUSTICE. IT IS A COMPLETE RIP-OFF.

Guy going into a group of indigenous peoples, learning their ways, and becoming one of them? YEAH, DANCES WITH WOLVES.

OH NOES, SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT. IT IS BEAUTY AND SHE IS OUR MOTHER. Yeah, that movie was called FERNGULLY: THE LAST RAINFOREST.

Outsider guy falling in love with the daughter of the chief who is already pledged to someone in the tribe, causing outrage among said tribe, especially the chief? POCAHONTAS UP IN HERE.

Huge mechanical suits of armor walking around stomping on all the pretty spiritual trees and such? FINAL FANTASY X? YEAH, I PLAYED THAT.

It's just so shockingly UNORIGINAL as far as the storyline goes. There was even a moment that I went OMFG AM I WATCHING BRAVEHEART? But here's the thing--those things all had great stories. They all had elements that people love, that I FUCKING LOVE. So, it's not a bad story at all. It's a great story. It's just not some new original AMAZING OMFG MY MIND IS BLOWN thing. James Cameron did great things in movies when he first showed up, but arguably his greatest success, Titanic, was not an original story. It was one of the most famous stories in the world, and all he did was write a crappy love story to put in as a sideline. His strength has not been storytelling for a LONG, LONG time.

HOWEVER.

The look of this movie...it's amazing. It's breath-taking. This movie took 10 fucking years to make, and it shows. There were only two moments that I went OMFG FAKE, and the rest of it is beautiful. Everything is so PRETTY, but the look of Pandora is like a recreation of the previously mentioned Final Fantasy X. But I LOVE THAT GAME BECAUSE IT IS PRETTY.

I'm not kidding. It will make your jaw drop open. It's so easy to believe that the movie is REAL. I kept getting frustrated any time they would jump out of the avatars because the real world was so barfy compared to the world deep inside Pandora. It's captivating, and it's stunning, and that is something I cannot take away from the movie. A+++++ for style. Just AWESOME.

But then...OMFG IT IS SO FUCKING CHEESY. The "bad guy"--WHO DIDN'T WANT TO STAB HIM? The shit he was saying made me roll my eyes. When Jake became MASTER OF THE FIRE COLORED DRAGON THING...IT WAS TOO MUCH. It was all so beautiful that you almost don't care, but yes, my cousin and I were cracking up because OMFG WHUT? A lot of it was SO CHEESY. It was never unbearable, but it was enough to make us go OH AHAHAHAHA.

I did get teary-eyed a few times. When Jake became Master of the Fire Colored Dragon Thing, when the animals of Pandora came to their aid during the battle, when fucking Sigourney Weaver died...yes, I got teary-eyed. It was compelling stuff. No doubt about it.

The movie is weird. It's weird and creepy and cheesy and lame at points. It's WAY TOO LONG. They could have easily cut out a good twenty minutes, but I didn't mind the stuff that could have been cut. Nothing made me go OMFG MOVE ON ALREADY. I was not crazy about the over abundance of tentacle-shaped things. I DO NOT LIKE TENTACLES. And their braids? OY HOW WEIRD. When Jake and his girlfriend mate? YUCK. When she finds him in his human form, and she's all OMG CARESS? SQUICK.

But none of the things I didn't like about this movie make it a bad movie. It's a very, very good movie. I mean, super fantastically good. I just wish people would stop being all OMFG BEST MOVIE EVER because yes, it is the best movie ever BECAUSE IT HAS ALREADY BEEN MADE 8 TIMES. The story is NOT original, but the execution definitely is. If you can look past the obvious political and environmental preaching, you can enjoy it as just a good story with awesome effects. It's absolutely worth the time and money to go and see it.

I'm still holding District 9 as the best movie I've seen all year, but that is because I value story over aesthetics any day. You can dress up shit in a pretty dress, but it is still shit.

Avatar is not shit. Not at all. It's fabulous. 5 Creepy Tentacle Braids out of 5.

AND I WANT A FIRE COLORED DRAGON THING NAO PLZ.