Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
3 years ago
4.29.2009
Footwear
The Artist Formerly Known as Snoop
OMG. He's actually being quiet and still and cute. It is amazing.
4.28.2009
My Attempt at Photography
I got very into picture taking while at my sister's baby shower, and I've suddenly decided that I want to spend the money to get a very nice camera. The one I want is about eight grand, so that's not happening, but I've found an acceptable one for about 300 bucks. I'm saving up for it as we speak. This is my favorite picture of the ones I took. I know it's just a bunch of tomatoes, but for some reason, I like it. The simple things!!EDIT: In fact, I love it so much it is my new masthead. Don't let anyone tell you I'm not completely obessed with myself. I totally am.
4.25.2009
VICTORY!
In the great debacle that is taking place at work, I have scored a decisive victory today. I was made aware that EVERYONE involved in said debacle thinks I am the winner, and I rejoice in that fact. I have told people time and time again that in a fight, or a war, I will always win. ALWAYS.
But the best part about the debacle, about the whole ugly mess, is that I got angry. I got frustrated. I FELT SOMETHING.
I remembered for a moment how it felt to not feel as though the world was falling in on me. I remembered that the world is not a horrible, terrible, awful place. I remembered that it is OKAY.
Then I was defeated by a candy mold of baby bottles. The shame.
Oh well, 2-1 is a good outcome for the day.
But the best part about the debacle, about the whole ugly mess, is that I got angry. I got frustrated. I FELT SOMETHING.
I remembered for a moment how it felt to not feel as though the world was falling in on me. I remembered that the world is not a horrible, terrible, awful place. I remembered that it is OKAY.
Then I was defeated by a candy mold of baby bottles. The shame.
Oh well, 2-1 is a good outcome for the day.
4.24.2009
The Bullshit of My Job
I am part of a workforce at Junk County Courthouse that is unlike anything I have ever experienced. The main problem I have encountered is that while I am part of it, I'm also excluded from a lot of it. I'm not part of the "cool kids". In fact, most of the "cool kids" can't stand me, and the problem I have with that is that I've never done anything for them not to like me. I have no problem with someone hating me because of something I have done to them. In this case, I have done NOTHING, and from day one, there have been people here that hate me for no reason.
I am reminded that they don't like me and that I will never be a part of their little club on a daily basis. I am literally forced to sit outside their little clubhouse circle when they sit around and talk or, as today, enjoy a piece of cake for a co-worker who is leaving for another job. I am forced to sit outside, over at the desk and work while they have a good time and practically scream, "YOU ARE NOT IN OUR CLUB! HA HA HA!"
I don't want to be in their fucking club. I would rather DIE than be associated with most of them, but it is hard to sit by and be constantly attacked by these douches.
An incident took place last night that would be completely out of context if I talked about it, but suffice to say, I was reminded, once again, that there are fuckwads working up here that hate me for no reason. It is fine, whatever, but last night, one of these bitches, a fucking ugly, snaggle-toothed, backwoods country 80's hair-having BITCHES, threw me under the bus in front of my boss. She completely sold me out to make herself look better, and that was the last straw. This morning I came to work and caught her telling someone else about what happened, which is pretty funny because in the story, she makes herself look completely stupid and insane, but still, it is a slam against me.
This is not the first time this has happened. This douche has done this to me every single minute that we've worked together, and I can only assume it's because she thought she deserved the full-time job but I was the one who got it. Whatever. That could be totally wrong, but I can think of nothing else that I have done to her to that would mean I deserve this crap.
She isn't the only one who treats me like this at work, and this is not the first time I have had to deal with it at my job. It used to happen all the time at CVS, but, as always, I overcome. I show all these fools that I am the one who will stick around, and I don't let them know that they get to me, except to fucking tear their heads off when the time comes.
My question is this: I graduated from high school 9 years ago. When will everybody else? That is what all of this is. High school bullshit--MIDDLE SCHOOL bullshit even. They all act like fucking children, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being the only adult where I work. I am sick of having to sit by while I am slandered by everyone, only to have them smile to my face. I am sick of all of the nasty, disgusting talk that I have finally took a stand against. Should I have to listen to dick jokes while I am at work? NO.
That is a good example. 80's Hair said something yesterday that almost made me puke. Someone came in and said, "Hey, what's up?"
Her answer? "Hard dicks and airplanes."
AND SHE WONDERS WHY PEOPLE THINK SHE IS FUCKING DISGUSTING.
I am reminded that they don't like me and that I will never be a part of their little club on a daily basis. I am literally forced to sit outside their little clubhouse circle when they sit around and talk or, as today, enjoy a piece of cake for a co-worker who is leaving for another job. I am forced to sit outside, over at the desk and work while they have a good time and practically scream, "YOU ARE NOT IN OUR CLUB! HA HA HA!"
I don't want to be in their fucking club. I would rather DIE than be associated with most of them, but it is hard to sit by and be constantly attacked by these douches.
An incident took place last night that would be completely out of context if I talked about it, but suffice to say, I was reminded, once again, that there are fuckwads working up here that hate me for no reason. It is fine, whatever, but last night, one of these bitches, a fucking ugly, snaggle-toothed, backwoods country 80's hair-having BITCHES, threw me under the bus in front of my boss. She completely sold me out to make herself look better, and that was the last straw. This morning I came to work and caught her telling someone else about what happened, which is pretty funny because in the story, she makes herself look completely stupid and insane, but still, it is a slam against me.
This is not the first time this has happened. This douche has done this to me every single minute that we've worked together, and I can only assume it's because she thought she deserved the full-time job but I was the one who got it. Whatever. That could be totally wrong, but I can think of nothing else that I have done to her to that would mean I deserve this crap.
She isn't the only one who treats me like this at work, and this is not the first time I have had to deal with it at my job. It used to happen all the time at CVS, but, as always, I overcome. I show all these fools that I am the one who will stick around, and I don't let them know that they get to me, except to fucking tear their heads off when the time comes.
My question is this: I graduated from high school 9 years ago. When will everybody else? That is what all of this is. High school bullshit--MIDDLE SCHOOL bullshit even. They all act like fucking children, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being the only adult where I work. I am sick of having to sit by while I am slandered by everyone, only to have them smile to my face. I am sick of all of the nasty, disgusting talk that I have finally took a stand against. Should I have to listen to dick jokes while I am at work? NO.
That is a good example. 80's Hair said something yesterday that almost made me puke. Someone came in and said, "Hey, what's up?"
Her answer? "Hard dicks and airplanes."
AND SHE WONDERS WHY PEOPLE THINK SHE IS FUCKING DISGUSTING.
4.21.2009
Oh, teh_apathy...
I feel used up. I feel unsatisfied and restless. I feel like I could jump out of my skin and scream until my lungs explode. But mostly, I don't feel like anything. I'm apathetic.
I remember this feeling. I had it almost nine years ago, and it almost killed me.
I suppose the good thing is that I recognize this, and I'm taking steps to fix it, but at the moment, it's a bit overwhelming.
I will overcome. I just need some help
3.27.2009
BIRTW
So, this week was Darren Shan week. I first found Darren Shan via the "Cirque du Freak" series which was one the happiest accidents ever. I searched the keyword vampire in my library's card catalog and found the series and tore through all the books, loving every minute. Naturally, when I find an author that I like I go insane and read every single book he has ever written, and that was how I found the "Demonata" series. It was so absolutely shocking to read what I was reading in a YA novel that I just couldn't get enough. It's taken me a few years to get them all in, and right now, I'm on the last one available in the US. But this week, I tackled some other ones.
New Books
Bec by Darren Shan
"Bec" is set in 5th century Scotland, and though you don't know it at the time, details the past of several of the main characters of the series. I liked reading this book because it was told in simple words, the way someone from that time might have written them. When you finally put the strands together, it makes you O.O. Loveliness. It also tells the origin of Lord Loss' obsession with chess, which I've always wondered about. Pay attention during Bec, or you'll be scratching your head during later books. Definitely in my top five of the series.
Blood Beast by Darren Shan
At first, I wasn't crazy about "Blood Beast." It deals with my favorite protagonist, Grubbs Grady, but it begins to discuss the lycanthropy curse that affects the Grady family. I am no fan of werewolves. However, the characters in this book are fantastic, mainly Juni Swan. She is very mysterious, falls in love with Grubbs' uncle, Dervish, and tragedy ensues. Another book with a twist, though this one is a big more predictable for those who have read the earlier books in the series. It ends with a cliffhanger that made me scream, then leave work and go and get the next two books in the series at the library. Good stuff.
Demon Apocalypse by Darren Shan
By far, "Demon Apocalypse" is my favorite of the series so far, narrowly beating out the first, "Lord Loss." It's my favorite so far because FINALLY the demons win. It's an amazing turn for the story because, honestly, in these kinds of books, the good guys always win. Not so in this one. Lord Loss invades the world with a horde of lesser demons, and it is death and destruction at every turn. Fantastic stuff. It set up a great scenario for its follower, which I am in the middle of right now. Good twists, wonderful turns, just all around greatness. I haven't been crazy about a few books in the series, but had I know this book was coming, I would have gotten through them much quicker. The whole series is worth it to get to this one.
I didn't read any old books this week, due to a resurgence in writing my own book, but I'm hoping to get through some of the Resident Evil series this coming week.
New Books
Bec by Darren Shan
"Bec" is set in 5th century Scotland, and though you don't know it at the time, details the past of several of the main characters of the series. I liked reading this book because it was told in simple words, the way someone from that time might have written them. When you finally put the strands together, it makes you O.O. Loveliness. It also tells the origin of Lord Loss' obsession with chess, which I've always wondered about. Pay attention during Bec, or you'll be scratching your head during later books. Definitely in my top five of the series.
Blood Beast by Darren Shan
At first, I wasn't crazy about "Blood Beast." It deals with my favorite protagonist, Grubbs Grady, but it begins to discuss the lycanthropy curse that affects the Grady family. I am no fan of werewolves. However, the characters in this book are fantastic, mainly Juni Swan. She is very mysterious, falls in love with Grubbs' uncle, Dervish, and tragedy ensues. Another book with a twist, though this one is a big more predictable for those who have read the earlier books in the series. It ends with a cliffhanger that made me scream, then leave work and go and get the next two books in the series at the library. Good stuff.
Demon Apocalypse by Darren Shan
By far, "Demon Apocalypse" is my favorite of the series so far, narrowly beating out the first, "Lord Loss." It's my favorite so far because FINALLY the demons win. It's an amazing turn for the story because, honestly, in these kinds of books, the good guys always win. Not so in this one. Lord Loss invades the world with a horde of lesser demons, and it is death and destruction at every turn. Fantastic stuff. It set up a great scenario for its follower, which I am in the middle of right now. Good twists, wonderful turns, just all around greatness. I haven't been crazy about a few books in the series, but had I know this book was coming, I would have gotten through them much quicker. The whole series is worth it to get to this one.
I didn't read any old books this week, due to a resurgence in writing my own book, but I'm hoping to get through some of the Resident Evil series this coming week.
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