Twilight aka The Biggest Waste of Four Bucks EVER

So, against my better judgment, I bought "Twilight" On Demand last night. I could somehow justify the four dollars because it was cheaper than renting it, and no one would ever know that I had watched it except me and the cable company. ALAS, I am now telling everyone that I watched it because I feel it is my sworn duty to warn others of the eyeball-melting monstrosity contained in this "movie".

The following are my play-by-play style notes that I took while watching this "movie". At the end of them, I will sum up my feelings.

SPOILERS AHEAD...though really, nothing I could say would spoil this movie. It's just THAT. BAD.



OOOH, terrifying vampire killing innocent deer! Worst opening sequence EVER.

Kristin Stewart is so uninspiring. She's not particularly cute, yet she's not ugly. She's just there. WTF is up with that?

I'm already completely disgusted by the music because Stephenie Meyer is a big stupid soundtrack maker. See her website for that tragedy that is her music selection.

I want Bella to be fatter. I don't know why.

Billy is cooler than I imagined. I was already on Team Jacob. Now I am firmly planted there. He is lovely.

Bella's truck is already irritating. I remember thinking, "How could an author spend this much time talking about a truck?" while reading the "books".

Gaysian Eric! EPIC WIN!! AHAH! Mike is great! Jessica is...Jessica. Boobs and teeth. Bella is grossly pale. Angela is totally cute.

And, oh, the loveliness of the impossibly beautiful vampires enters is slow mo. Rosalie and Emmett. BARF. Alice is so cute, and Jasper's hair is fantastic.

OMG the make-up is as bad as they all said! Edward's hair...OMG. It will now be referred to as his Moses Hair i.e. the way Charlton Heston's hair looked in "The Ten Commandments" after he saw the Burning Bush o' God. One word for Ed's eyebrows...TWEEZERS.

Point #1 (of the movie that was not totally revolting):
Edward's :X face at Bella during Biology. Yes, Ed, we all know how you feel.

Ed is beyond creepy, and he is totally an emo loser.

Charlie is very random. His relationship with Bella reminds me of my relationship with my dad. I am seriously creeped out.

Robert Pattinson is not as cute as everyone thinks.

Ed's random turn around in behavior is even more stupid and out of place in the movie than it was in the book.

Point #2:
Bella's slack-jawed loveface was actually cute.

Ed's scruff is not cute under the pancake make-up. He's also a complete spaz. Jasper on the other hand, is totally swoony.

Carlisle is disgusting. I had such high hopes.

Kristen Stewart's two front teeth are MASSIVE. It's distracting me from the rest of the craptasticness of this movie.

Why does everyone have chapped lips? It's very gross.

Point #3:
Ed's jealous look over Mike's shoulder. SWOON.

Ed's peacoat makes him look like A FOP.

OMG the drama is choking me. "Why didn't you just let the van crush me!?!" I forgot how ridiculous this shit is.

Fuck you with that apple trick. As cleolinda said I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE.

Robert Pattinson is sickeningly hairy. *SHUDDER*

The Native Americans are all so CUTE!! Jacob called us "pale faces"!! Is that PC? I don't even care. I normally hate werewolves in any and every incarnation they come in. I know that Jacob and Co. aren't actually werewolves, but close enough. However, they are so less repugnant than the Cullens, so I heart them.

WTF James. Is he hot or is he disgusting?

HOW DARE YOU DEFILE A PARAMOUR SONG!! I can never like that song now.

OOH! Scary rapists in an alley!! So more terrible than vampires WHO KILL PEOPLE. Because Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon and to her sex is more evil than murder. I mean it makes PERFECT SENSE!!!

Ed is much less hideous in romantic restaurant light.

"I feel very protective of you." Oh, it SEEMS very innocent. It is not. It's the beginning of the misery that is "Twilight". Bella is pathetic and Ed must protect her. It's insulting and reason #42 why I hate "Twilight".

What is wrong with this picture? She finds out he's a vampire and a murderer and she's more googly eyed?!?

This movie lost any credibility that it had--AND BELIEVE ME IT WAS VERY, VERY LITTLE--during the running up the mountain/sparkly killer scene. The vampire movements in this movie are ridiculous (a la "Queen of the Damned") and Ed is such an emo that it makes me ill.

ROBERT PATTINSON IS HAIRY AND HE IS A TERRIBLE ACTOR.

"You're like my own personal brand of heroin." "So the lion fell in love with the lamb..." GAG ME WITH A SPOON!

"Let's lay down in the grass so that we're not even touching each other--NOT EVEN OUR FULLY CLOTHED KNEES--and call it a sex scene!!"

I am now officially more stupid from watching this.

Ed's "Risky Business" sunglasses are...ridiculous.

It should not be hot watching Carlisle bite Edward, but it sadly was.

This movie is a mess of flannel.

Rosalie should have been prettier, but Esme is totally cute.

Does Stephenie Meyer think that Ed listening to Debussy and playing the piano gives him depth? FAIL.

TREE CLIMBING SCENE = STOOPID.

Ed and Bella's relationship is so CHASTE. It's disgusting.

"I like watching you sleep" is the creepiest thing that can be said to a girl, and Bella thinks it is romantic. IS ANYBODY ELSE UNDERSTANDING WHY I HATE THIS SHIT!?!

Most awkward kissing scene ever.

The baseball scene was absolutely ludicrous. They were supposed to look cool, but instead, with that stupid song, it was very 80's montage. Alice's pitching stance was stupid. Good thing James, Blacula, and the chick showed up to stop the lameness.

I decided. James = hot except for his peach fuzz.

I never understood why suddenly Bella realizes "OOH! VAMPIRES ARE SCARY!" once James wants to eat her. "Vegetarian" vampires are okay, but real ones are not. (PSSST! "Vegetarian" is code for celibate. Don't tell!!)

Rosalie had the right idea. Bella should be hated and despised. KILL THE OUTLANDER!!

The beauty of the almost death scene was immediately destroyed by Bella's pathetic "OMG j00 CAN'T LEEEEVE MEEEE!" freak out.


SOOOOOO...

I hated this movie. It is awful. I will admit here for the world to see that I actually did like "Twilight" the book. THE FIRST BOOK AND ONLY THE FIRST BOOK. When I read it, I thought it was sweet, and thought it was a nice piece of fluff when I had nothing better to do. However, the hideousness of the rest of the books destroyed anything I liked about the original. This movie reminds me of everything I should have hated from the beginning. I was wrong to think I could ever look at this piece of crap with anything but disgust and contempt.

The only good thing about this movie was Jacob. He was lovely. The best thing about it was that it was over quickly.

DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE OR IT WILL MELT YOUR EYEBALLS.

Books I Read This Week (BIRTW)

When I have time to go to the library, I usually come home with a Meade County Public Library tote bag full of books. Depending on the week I'm having, I usually can get three to four books read in a week. This week starts the NCAA tournament, and since that is ALL that is being permitted on TV at work, I've had a lot of time to read. I present books for this week.


New Books

Feathered by Laura Kasischke
This book was a bit of a surprise for me. I'm very bad about just looking at a book and not reading the book jacket. The old "Don't judge a book by its cover" has not been especially true for me. I usually end up finding something pretty good. Here is an excerpt from the book jacket.

"It was supposed to be the perfect vacation: hot guys, impeccable tans, and no parents. But for two high school seniors, an innocent car ride will drive them into the heart of their worst nightmare."

The girls go to Mexico, and it seems to me that any car ride in Mexico with strangers is not "innocent." This book centers around Chichen Itza, so I'm thinking their worst nightmare is going to be lost Mayan tribes who want to sacrifice their virginal selves. But no, not exactly. It's still pretty horrifying. This was a very satisfying book. Not light subject matter, though. Watch out.


Need--Carrie Jones

I didn't realize this book was a symptom of the Twilight disease until after I was about halfway through it. I should have realized. Plain girl, moves to sleepy town, cute boy, weirdness ensues. But were Twilight makes me want to stab out my eyes, Need made me sing with joy. The main character, Zara, is the anti-Bella Swan, and that is beautiful. Her love interest, Nick, does have the Edward Cullen "I must protective you from everything ever!!" Syndrome, but it's not to such an annoying degree. Zara knows she is plain, and yet she revels in it. She does not use it as some sort of pseudo-characterization element. Her friends are likeable, her grandmother, Betty, is a joy, and when you get to the meat of the story, it is original and enjoyable. **SPOILER** The story has a fair dose of were creatures, and that usually makes me throw the book down and cry, "WHY!?! WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO ME!?!" but in this one, it was tolerable. I was very happy with this book. Enjoy.


Old Books I Read Again for Fun

Resident Evil: The Umbrella Conspiracy by S.D. Perry

"Resident Evil 5" just came out, and after obliterating it, I wanted to re-read the books. I like these books because they tell the story beyond the video game. They're very fun and brainless, and they give you a bit of insight into the characters. I'm going to re-read all of them eventually, in between other books, but I thought it worth mentioning.

What is wrong with me?

Why can't I keep up with a blog? This is my post to say that I will keep up with it.

I'll post a longer one when I have something to say!

Dieting yet again

I always get off to a good start when I diet, but for some reason, I get so sick of constantly worrying about what I'm eating that I inevitably fall off the wagon. I'm trying again at the moment, and so far, so good. It's helped along by Wii Fit, which really is worth all the money and effort it takes to get it.

I'm going for 1200 calories a day, but I was taught to look at it as a week-long goal. You want to be at an average of 1200 calories a day. I'm usually look at it like this: if I eat 25 too many one day, I eat 25 fewer the next, and vice versa. I also allow myself one cheater day where I eat whatever I want, but I'm hoping that eventually, I won't cheat. Both yesterday and today were successful, so I'm looking forward to a big fat cheater day either Tuesday or Wednesday.

The Wii Fit combined with Jillian Michaels' Fitness Ultimatum 2009 kicked my ass though. Good and proper. I think the Wii Fit promotes compulsion with weight though. You're supposed to do this stupid Body Test thing every day, and today I was .2 pounds heavier than yesterday and I wigged. A regular scale would never have shown that miniscule amount, but that stupid balance board does. BOO.

I'll keep my diet talk to a minimum. It's very boring, but I'm going Tuesday to Monday with my weekly weight totals, so...

Starting Weight: 186.4
Week 1 Weight: 183.2

*sigh* Hopefully, it will get better. I set a 10 pounds in two weeks goal, but I don't think I'm going to make that. Here's hoping!

AIM madness

I just got this IM randomly.

LilliputianCoho (10:28:50 PM): A shark on whisky... is mighty risky. But a shark on beer... is a beer engineer.
BradEatsPeeps (10:32:01 PM): Excuse me?


I have no idea

No motivation

I've been slacking on this thing, and though really, no one reads it, I swore to myself I would keep it up because it's good writing practice. So, now I will attempt to put something down to assuage my guilt.

I FINALLY found a Wii Fit. I'm very excited about it, but after my first day, I'm a big discouraged. I had a little video game voice telling him "THAT'S OBESE," and it nearly crushed my soul. At least now I have a goal! I've been on a diet for about three weeks, but I keep falling off the wagon. I'm really trying though.

I'm getting the burn out from work again, which is crazy, I know.

I'm also falling behind on my other blog that is still a work in progress, AND my book which is almost non-existant in the way of work. It might be a good thing. I'm getting better inspiration from other places now.

Jenny made me a new quillow! It has wizards! HUZZAH!

AND I got a new tattoo. It is beauty. It's the Dark Mark, and it's officially a week old today. Happy birthday tattoo!

Life sometimes eats it LIK WO

I had a meltdown today LIK WO. I'm just fed up with my family. Moo and The Baby Daddy have been here for almost a week, and it's starting to get to me. It's just a lot of people in a small place, I guess.

I'm trying to learn to knit with needles now. It's hard LIK WO.

I still haven't started on my altered book yet. FAIL.

Last night, I read old Star Trek fan fiction I wrote. EPIC FAIL.

I have an idea for another blog. I think it's a really good one. VICTORY!

I'm tired now LIK WO.